Sunday, March 29, 2015

Most days...

You'll be driving wherever & some asshole will almost cream you, or just be driving like a dick & you go...Where are the cops? But then...There are days when that happens & you get the luxury of seeing them get their stupid ass pulled over & get the Wonka golden ticket.

I saw that today on a new shiny red Shelby.

So, I was smiling on the way to work. When I got there, I was able to take every crap situation & spin it to my benefit & continue smiling. In fact, this was right before I was heading to the shop...After I got the call...My fan doesn't work in my room. I showed up & asked the guy to reach over beside him & flip the switch....Well, Flipping amazing, they work. I told him not to hesitate to call if he needed anything else (that is, if he is smart enough to understand how to work the phone)

Now, if this guy would have been on medication, or say, had Alzheimers...I could understand, but he was a young guy, say late twenties. His wife was in the bed (getting ready to plop out a kid) & she was as clueless as he. Some folks should never breed.

I had to go rebuild a toilet at behavioral Health & when I passed some visitors in the waiting room, I thought the exact same thing. It looked like an episode of how far does my family tree never fork.

My sister sent me a message that I didn't get to read until late tonight, because I was so busy pandering to the masses, that said, my Grandma heard today that a guy with my name, driving the same vehicle I do, was air lifted to the hospital after a wreck. They came by my house as I was sleeping & checked my garage to make sure my truck was there. She said they didn't bother to wake me up, after they saw I wasn't dead.

She said she was glad it wasn't me.

Well, that makes two.

Friday, March 27, 2015

Just when you think...

You have seen it all, something else pops up & makes you go woah.

I got a call last night to go look at a clogged toilet. When I got to the room, the nurse (who looked like Meatloaf with tits) said, yeah, I think it was too big to make it. I stepped into the bathroom & stepped back real quick.

She said, whats wrong? I looked at her & said, we're gonna need a bigger boat. I had to get my fishing pole (hand auger) & beat the thing to death before I could get it to pass.

They disconnected the portable boiler to haul it back to Texas (what a waste of good cash) & they are gonna start tearing out old boiler number 2. (as soon as they carve out all the asbestos) No comment on that situation, except to say that I'm surprised I have lived as long as I have already.

I got another clogged toilet call later in the crackhead shift & when I got there, this gal had crapped everything but the kitchen sink. She had at least 4 things that can never be put in the toilet. So I went to the nurse & said, you do know that you can't put tucks, hand wipes, the industrial adult tampon/diaper in the magic fountain. She said, yeah, but it was an accident. Sometimes, these women just have to go & can't stop to make sure those things ain't in the way & she laughed. She smiled & said, it just sucks that you have to be the one to get them out...

Now, it was my turn to smile. Well, sweetheart, technically, I could have you put on a glove & take you in there & watch as you pull them out. Why, her whole countenance changed right before my eyes. The smile vanished & was replaced with a look of abject horror. You wouldn't do that to me would you?

Well, you didn't seem to bat a lovely little eyelash at the thought of me doing it, now did you?

She said, yeah, I guess that was wrong of me & I'm sorry....Ah, contrition. Even heartfelt.

No, says I, I'm not an unduly cruel man. I will take care of it, but in the future, you may not be so blessed to encounter a maintenance man who is compassionate & understanding. So, do you think you can make sure that "these women" can remove things in the way, before they unload from now on?

Yeah, I can do that.

Thursday, March 26, 2015


Last night, I got a call that was given to a dayshifter, but he said he didn't have time to look at it...OK...By the time I got the call, it was almost two hours old. So I went to check it out. The call was, a sink was leaking.

I get to this soiled linen room & some nimrod nurse had rolled an I.V. pole over on top of some foot control pedals that sent water to a hand held wand, attached to a hopper. By doing so, they had depressed them & allowed water to go all over the floor.

I took it off, told the nurses at the desk, the situation & told them to call EVS (housekeeping) to clean up the water on the floor & left (because I had nothing but more calls coming my way) Now I know, after I left, they were like...piss off & no one called anyone.

later, I get a call that this refrigerator was leaking in a med room. I went up & saw water seeping from under the cove base in the hall & went in the room & pulled the fridge out & cleaned up the water. I knew it wasn't the ice box, so I ran the water in the sink next to it, thinking I might have a collapsed drain in the wall. Then I started thinking.

I walked around the corner & the first room was located there, so in I went. Some dumb ass had rolled the same I.V. pole back over the foot controls & added more water (on top of the not cleaned up first encounter) I went & found the charge nurse & told her what had transpired, but this time...I took a water key & shut them off so they couldn't use the wand again. I asked her to contact EVS & she said, Oh...I don't think they will come up & clean that up....

Really? I told her, make the call & if they refuse, let me know (I was pretty pissed by then) I told her, just be glad I haven't had any flood calls from below. As soon as that left my mouth...I had a call for a ceiling leak & this nurse asked me where that was located..... Right below this room & off I went.

It was a NICU room with an infant in it & they were moving the child out as I arrived. Long story short. I took the ceiling tile out, cleaned up the water & had to place a receptacle there to catch the residual water. All because of dumb ass crackheads, not listening or giving a dead rats ass about what they were doing.

Then, I had to go write up a report about the incident.

Lets see....I can't smoke up there, I can't drink, no drugs, I can't kill them...Hell, I must be a saint;~)

Wednesday, March 25, 2015

Every day...

Is an adventure.

Got a call from the dispatcher asking me to come into the office last night. She then asked me if we worked on chair scales. I have never had to look at one (figuring that it was probably bio-meds) But I told her I could go check it out.

She still had the gal who called on the phone, so I asked her to find out what floor she was on. Turns out this nurse was calling from a different hospital.

Seems she had contacted her bio-med & they transferred her to our number. Me thinks, someone was blowing her ass off.

I told my dispatcher, well, that is one call I don't have to go do.

Sunday, March 22, 2015

Sweet weather..

Poured concrete Saturday & spent the last few days helping out the parents. Stayed away from the shack & didn't kill my neighbors. Of course, that episode in my saga isn't finished yet.

I'll be knocking out forms tomorrow & delivering a lounge chair. Shit, I do more work when I'm off than at the pisser at times.

I had a nice few days off & the weather cooperated for sure. Today, we fixed up the kennel for my Dad, so he can move his dogs out of his garden area & put them back down on the backside of the barn. He is ready to start tilling up a garden.

My sister says I can't post any more pictures of her on facebook. (like that is something I have to actually adhere to) I will comply, only because she asked me nicely. I didn't tell her that I saw her almost clock that tree as she left Saturday. Hey, she didn't say I couldn't comment on shit she does.

Time to crank out some tunes & chill.

Friday, March 20, 2015

Happy Spring!

I cut my grass today as well as doing a boatload of other things. All after partying way too much last night.

I have found that the best way to kick a hang over in the ass is by working as hard as you can. It confuses the body. Went over to the parents house to see if I needed to do any prep work on the concrete we are going to pour tomorrow, but the old man had it all ready.

Was talking to a guy the other night & he was telling me about another guy we know. He said, I have never seen someone who is so bent on finding someone to be with. I have seen guys hell bent on getting out of a marriage, but not wanting to get into one....I started to throw my two cents into the topic, but decided that when discussing morals & values, the person who you are talking with, has to understand the concepts first.

So, I just opted to abstain with any sage advice. I guess getting older has helped me to become more aware of different situations....Not really, I just have learned to not give a shit about anything anymore. People usually want something from you, or they ignore you. Simple truth.

Think about it real hard.

Then, have a beer & crank up the tunes.

The Preacher...

Well he up & quit yesterday up at the pisser. While I liked him, he really wasn't suited to be a maintenance man. We be a special kind of crazy breed.

Of course, I really should be doing something else, but it pays the bills, so what the hell. Made it through a ten day stretch, so I believe I am gonna enjoy me a frosty one.

OK, one just ain't gonna cut it.

I had this screwed up entry door last night in E.R. & when I went down there & fixed it, the whole area was filled with people who were sick as hell. People laying on stretchers, throwing up in puke buckets. The whole hospital is busting at the seams with folks just messed up. Every call I went on, had someone who was knocking on the door. Call me stupid, but I know I have an angel watching over my ass.

I saw a Black friend who has been there forever & she said, Joe, I need a light bulb. I stopped what I was doing & went over to her & said, baby doll, what ever you need I have. She said, now you know I don't need anything, I'm just messing with you. I pulled a piece of bubblegum out of my pocket & said, how about something sweet...She said, oh yeah, I'll take that. You the candyman.

I winked & said, you know it, but don't spread that around.