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Thursday, February 22, 2018

You ever feel...

Like if you only could shit one more hand, you might be able to stay caught up on things?

I get a lot of stuff accomplished every day, but when it's over, there are still more just waiting . I like to say, there is a turd with my name on it.

The last few days, when I come home & finally wind down to crash, I wind up working in my sleep & wake up frequently throughout the night. There was this old skit that Red Skelton did one time, where he was going through a ton of things to try to make it to the bus. Only to realize that he had forgot his pants.

I use to dream that I would do that when I was a kid. By the way, I quit listening to the weather forecasters. Every one of them suck lemons. If I was as wrong as they were in performing my job, I would have been fired years ago.

Thursday, February 15, 2018

Kiss kiss...

While you were probably screwing up by not getting your significant other the right gift for valentines day... I was busy playing in clogged drains that some dillhole left me as a present.

I tried to convince the boss that he should show his love by bringing in some strippers for me, but that just didn't fly.

Went in yesterday & found out that a guy who I used to work with passed away. He retired not long after I started. R.I.P. Al.

Tuesday, February 13, 2018

Almost here...

And I really couldn't give a dead rats ass.

I was getting ready to attach a room number sign last night & this young lady was watching me use my knife to remove some old silicone that some idiot had used on it before (which is why it fell off the wall)

She said, please be careful, I wouldn't want you to cut your fingers. I stopped & looked at her & said, why thank you, that is a nice gesture. Her reply was this... If you get hurt, nothing will get done up here. Yeah, the women just love the shit out of me.

I should stop by my sister's house & get some big ass Great Dane dog turds & wrap them in a nice heart shaped box & lay it on her desk, with a note that says...from a secret admirer.

Hey, I can be sensitive & caring. But my last adventure through the looking glass of love.... Well... Jesus is going to have to come down, pull a name out of his wallet & tell me... This one is worth dying for.

Sunday, February 11, 2018

Three times...

last night, I was up in the ceiling in tight quarters & some female started asking me questions... Like, what are you doing?

Well, I was changing bad ballasts & I told her so...but she had to continue to ask more inquisitive questions..until...

I took my eyes off of what I was doing to look  her way & of course...Zapped my dumbass. Now, I can do this shit with my eyes closed & never get nailed, as long as I simply concentrate on the task at hand. So, it has been a long time since I felt Mr. Sparky, but I let it happen three times last night. Each time, I got distracted by some damn female who should have been doing something else to start off with.

Then I had a call for a stack clog & as I looked down the drain, just starting out...I saw this staring up at me. Now, I pondered for awhile, wondering just what the hell was down there. Then I went ahead & took the p-trap off & this fell out into my bucket when I pushed my screwdriver to assist it. It felt like a bunch of plastic that someone melted & poured down the drain & it took the shape of the throat. I'm sure it's plastic, but how the hell did it get there is the question.

I opened the line pretty quick after that, but not a soul could explain this. It was a strange night.

The ride home was no picnic either. Saw cars & trucks off in the ditch as I drove through sleet & rain. I had my flapper valve slam shut a couple of times as it got a little hairy, but home I did have on the brain & made it. Time for a cold one to try to wind down.

Saturday, February 10, 2018

Remember that I told you....

That I hate Fridays? Well I don't think I'm going to be changing my mind on that statement anytime soon. Lets just say, I'm glad to be home finally.

I had one call that kept me under two sinks working on a stack, that when I finally was able to stand up.. my bones sounded like someone was playing a xylophone.

At least my rectum didn't fall out like that dude who was sitting on the toilet playing video games on his phone. Reading that will cause me to expedite my pooping sessions. I won't go into details about the picture, other than to say, yes it was a situation that I had to deal with last night.

Sometimes, I'm pretty sure...Jesus laughs.

Wednesday, February 7, 2018

Last week.

We had a fire on the South side of town. Thank God no one perished, because it was pretty bad & could have been much worse.

Last night, we dodged a bullet from the weather, it was like threading the needle. All the snow was North & the ice & sleet was to the South. We got a little , but driving home wasn't a psycho fest.

Every time some new gal gets promoted, she feels the need to spend money & save the planet by requesting all kinds of projects. Last night, I spent quite a lot of my time engaged in dealing with one. Every 5 minutes or so, her & her associate kept offering me candy & cookies. I was like, stop, I feel like I'm at my Mom's house.

They kept saying they were just trying to bribe me, but isn't a bribe designed to get someone to do something you want? I was already doing what they wanted, so their interpretation of what constitutes a bribe is askew.

Besides, if I didn't want to do it, that kind of bribe wouldn't have gotten them a call to tell them no.

Sunday, February 4, 2018

Didn't see that coming.

Glad I didn't bet any money on this Superbowl, because I would have lost it. Who would have thought Brady wouldn't nail the coffin in the last quarter.

I didn't care for the entertainment or the commercials, but the game was pretty good actually. I'll bet that by this time tomorrow, you will hear all kinds of crazy stories of how Eagles fans trashed their city. The Philadelphia Inquirer reports that police officers were out Sunday afternoon rolling hydraulic fluid onto light poles to keep celebrating fans from climbing them in case of an Eagles victory.

It snowed as we were cooking up the meat & the temp dropped all day. It's 17 out there right now. As far as the questionable calls from the refs? Well, old school days, those two tds would have been simply good. It is the leagues own stupid ass rules they have now that called them in question & if they would have adhered to the current wording of those rules... Both touchdowns in question would have been denied. They need to quit trying to "improve" the game & get back to the way it was.

Oh, & anyone not standing for the National Anthem... Well, if I was an owner, they would be fired. Period. I'm glad the broadcast didn't show anyone doing that & from what I have heard, nobody did, they all stood.